only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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