you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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