His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
