Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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