I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
