dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
