so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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