you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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