I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
