Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
