you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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