Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
