New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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