dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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