I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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