I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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