Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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