We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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