he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
