I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
