he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
