Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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