I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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