I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
