so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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