Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
