before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
