It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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