oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
