yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
