who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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