Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
