remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
