i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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