this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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