The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
