I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
