But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
