if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
