Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
