She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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