i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
