so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize