I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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