So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
