New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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