I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
