dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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