May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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