And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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