I bet he comes in French.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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