id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
