Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
