i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
