If i come over, it means nothing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The Olympian is in my bed
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