Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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