He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
