Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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