he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
