the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
