she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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