Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
